I never ever say the F word, but this just sounds so fitting! lol

I’ve been reading a lot of blog posts on saying goodbye to the previous year and welcoming the new so I thought of doing one myself. But I can’t seem to face 2013 positively the same way everybody else does. On Twitter and Facebook alone, there are so many Confucius-like encouragements on how to deal with this new year. Here are some:

4 things to do today: delete your past, reset your present, download your future and update your life.

Today, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.

Guard your heart. Don’t go back to your vomit. Find your lover.

Out with the old, in with the new.

This 2013, choose to be happy.

Here’s to a positive 2013, filled with prosperity and possibility. Go after it. Claim it.

I admire these people for being so brave right at this moment of their lives. I would give anything to be like them right now. Because the truth is, I feel so scared when I think about 2013. You know, the achy-weird-feeling-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach-that-sends-you-to-the-loo-every-so-often kind of scared. Haha! No, really. My semi anxiety attacks are causing me to cry involuntarily in random places at random times!

I wish I was facing 2013 with much optimism like everybody else, but taking it one day at a time is all I can do to keep it together. However, I am going to try to do something about my situation. I am the type to list, list, list everything! From daily, weekly, monthly tasks, I try to get them all down. And I’ve proven that it does help me focus on achieving my goals. So right now, I’m going to attempt to list down my faith goals for 2013, with the hope that I’ll be able to look at these goals straight in the eye and not get too scared. By the end of 2013, I will go back to this list and see how well/awful I’ve done.

These are not “Faith” goals, in the truest sense of the word. I believe these are Life Goals. But seeing that my fingers are shaking even as I type this post, and the fact that I’m not able to achieve anything in my life by my own strength, I will boldly call these Faith Goals.

One thing you should know about me is, I have never planned out my life in a long term manner. Two years is already a long time for me to identify anything that can possibly happen. One year still seems improbable, but it’s at least short enough to get a faint glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel. So here are my 2013 Faith Goals in no particular order:

1) Business

In all fairness to my brother, my mother, my sister-in-law and me – amateurs as we are – we were able to nurture our business from January to December of 2012, and we have really seen the progress we made. If I achieved one thing in 2012, it would be this (Woohoo! I actually achieved something!). So for 2013, I wish for our business to grow bigger rather than smaller. Yes, it could shrink if handled improperly.

2) Finances

I wish to be debt-free before the year ends. Currently, I’m still settling my credit card bills which have accumulated due to all my travels, gadgets, shopping, etc from the past years. From five credit cards at the start of 2012, I’m down to the last two. My goal is to pay off both, and just keep one credit card. Credit cards are EVIL, I tell you! Okay, they’re not, I just became careless at one point or another. :p

My other goal under this category is to start rebuilding my savings. I don’t expect it to be a lot since I’m still paying for debts, amortization, and other expenses, but I should at least have some saved already.

3) Career

By the end of the year, I should know if I’m going to continue working for my current employer or decide otherwise. This goal is inversely related to #1, because as the business grows and demand for more hands-on attention increases, then should an important decision regarding my employment be made. This is a bit hard for me to think about now, because I’ve really grown to love this job.

But if I’m still to carry on this career path, by end of this year, I would want to see that I am a lot better at my job than I am now. I want to have gained my superiors and colleagues’ confidence more. I want to have helped out the company earn more via their online channel (which is what my job is all about). And if they’re feeling generous, I’d also want a raise. Haha! I mean, who doesn’t??

4) Personal Life

Right now, I have no idea as to what life has in store for me. Will I get married soon? Will I grow old alone (Wag naman sana, pero bahala ka na Lord!) Am I permanent here in Manila? O pwede rin, Will I die this year? (Hey, it’s not morbid, it’s reality!) So my goal is, by the end of this year, I SHOULD know where my life is headed, or at least have a clue. I’ll be turning 29 this year (Waaah! Where have all my years gone??) and I really really would want to see some clarity on this hazy path I’m taking.

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So this post will serve as my reminder to watch out for possible transitions and life-changing decisions this 2013. I say this, but it doesn’t mean that I’m FEARLESS about it. Because, to be honest, even as I’m typing these last few sentences, my fingers are still quivering and heart is beating fast. That’s how FEARFUL I am.

Excuse me as I make a dash for the ladies’ room again!